Thursday, 11 August 2011

Meditating Continued

So since my last session I recorded on here, I've continued to meditate but I haven't experienced that flying sensation again. Now I just feel this sort of numbness which fills the whole of my body and seems to lift my soul out of me. I've sat and talked to My Helen, but about what I can't recall. She warned me to not tell anyone about this but maybe that's just my consciousness telling me to not blabber to people about this, but this doesn't count, because no-one I know about reads it anyway.

Anyway so yeah, last time I talked about having a sense of deja vu whilst meditating, and I know what it is now. Well more of an idea of what it could be. Its a memory trying to escape and for some reason I just can't seem to access it. But this is what I've deduced from it so far. When I was little I had a bad dream when i was really ill, and it was like really when your ears are blocked and it was sort of silent. And I'm a little girl, and all I know is that something small suddenly explodes into something really big. It's more clearer when I'm meditating and I can really feel my the sense of anxiousness and anticipation in my stomach just as I did then when I first dreamt about it. But there's something more to this that I hope to find out. It's annoying though because I can never fully slip into it and get the sense of motion like I did the first and 2nd time, because some prt of my conscious keeps stopping me. Like I'd suddenly get an uncontrollable urge to itch my head or my leg or anywhere really, and it always makes me so frustrated and stops me from sinking deeper.

And when I do reach there, I get scared that My Helen's face will turn into some scary figure. I remember even watching someone looking in the mirror and their reflection was a skull. This meditation thing is so surreal, but maybe I'll have better luck with it tonight.

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