So I looked into the power of suggestion and came across self hypnosis and meditation to make your subconcious more accessible and therefore more susceptible to your suggestions I guess. So basically getting to that state of mind and thinking of specific desirable scenarios. It's kind of what I do anyway when I daydream, but I dream of the wrong scenarios.
Whilst doing my research on the power of suggestion I came across self hypnosis videos that kind of half way worked for me. Like some video were trying to make you think certain stuff and while I found myself thinking about it, I would also end up asking why. There was one trying to get ur feet stuck on the ground and while I felt an immensely weird tingly sensation, my feet did not get stuck. I must also mention that these videos used the hypnotising spinning spiral thing, and my eyes watered a lot.
When I first tried meditating I listened to some Japanese music. I remember
my breathing was rhythmic. I felt like I was in a really fast car spiralling out of control but whilst I was in the car I was safe. It's kind of like that feeling in your stomach that u get when the plane takes off, except I felt like a I was travelling through space and time. I was scared after that time to try again properly, but I gave it a Shot nearly every night.
I did come to notice that in my normal life I feel less anxious and more clear and patient. Also it's much easier for me to fall Asleep.
Today I meditated and I felt like I was flying and I couldn't feel my body. And I was in a field blowing those fluffy flower things, then I reached the beach just me and the ocean in in front of me. Then my Helen was there, seeing her for the first time. She had sunny blonde hair . She told me she was proud of me for getting this far. she wanted to sit down and tell me about being strong but I kept blocking that out scared of what was going on in the real world (I'm scared of the dark) funny coz when I was meditating it was sunny. She held my hand and I was bought back into my thoughts deeper. she turned me around to lush green house a cute little Japanese house stood there and beside it the tree I sat on in one of my previous sesssions. Then a man was with me and we danced like we were on strictly come dancing or summink and then he picked me up and flew. I remember having a sense of de ja vu though about what I can't tell.