Thursday, 11 August 2011

Meditating Continued

So since my last session I recorded on here, I've continued to meditate but I haven't experienced that flying sensation again. Now I just feel this sort of numbness which fills the whole of my body and seems to lift my soul out of me. I've sat and talked to My Helen, but about what I can't recall. She warned me to not tell anyone about this but maybe that's just my consciousness telling me to not blabber to people about this, but this doesn't count, because no-one I know about reads it anyway.

Anyway so yeah, last time I talked about having a sense of deja vu whilst meditating, and I know what it is now. Well more of an idea of what it could be. Its a memory trying to escape and for some reason I just can't seem to access it. But this is what I've deduced from it so far. When I was little I had a bad dream when i was really ill, and it was like really when your ears are blocked and it was sort of silent. And I'm a little girl, and all I know is that something small suddenly explodes into something really big. It's more clearer when I'm meditating and I can really feel my the sense of anxiousness and anticipation in my stomach just as I did then when I first dreamt about it. But there's something more to this that I hope to find out. It's annoying though because I can never fully slip into it and get the sense of motion like I did the first and 2nd time, because some prt of my conscious keeps stopping me. Like I'd suddenly get an uncontrollable urge to itch my head or my leg or anywhere really, and it always makes me so frustrated and stops me from sinking deeper.

And when I do reach there, I get scared that My Helen's face will turn into some scary figure. I remember even watching someone looking in the mirror and their reflection was a skull. This meditation thing is so surreal, but maybe I'll have better luck with it tonight.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Meditating

So I looked into the power of suggestion and came across self hypnosis and meditation to make your subconcious more accessible and therefore more susceptible to your suggestions I guess. So basically getting to that state of mind and thinking of specific desirable scenarios. It's kind of what I do anyway when I daydream, but I dream of the wrong scenarios.

Whilst doing my research on the power of suggestion I came across self hypnosis videos that kind of half way worked for me. Like some video were trying to make you think certain stuff and while I found myself thinking about it, I would also end up asking why. There was one trying to get ur feet stuck on the ground and while I felt an immensely weird tingly sensation, my feet did not get stuck. I must also mention that these videos used the hypnotising spinning spiral thing, and my eyes watered a lot.

When I first tried meditating I listened to some Japanese music. I remember
my breathing was rhythmic. I felt like I was in a really fast car spiralling out of control but whilst I was in the car I was safe. It's kind of like that feeling in your stomach that u get when the plane takes off, except I felt like a I was travelling through space and time. I was scared after that time to try again properly, but I gave it a Shot nearly every night.
I did come to notice that in my normal life I feel less anxious and more clear and patient. Also it's much easier for me to fall Asleep.

Today I meditated and I felt like I was flying and I couldn't feel my body. And I was in a field blowing those fluffy flower things, then I reached the beach just me and the ocean in in front of me. Then my Helen was there, seeing her for the first time. She had sunny blonde hair . She told me she was proud of me for getting this far. she wanted to sit down and tell me about being strong but I kept blocking that out scared of what was going on in the real world (I'm scared of the dark) funny coz when I was meditating it was sunny. She held my hand and I was bought back into my thoughts deeper. she turned me around to lush green house a cute little Japanese house stood there and beside it the tree I sat on in one of my previous sesssions. Then a man was with me and we danced like we were on strictly come dancing or summink and then he picked me up and flew. I remember having a sense of de ja vu though about what I can't tell.